I know you think you believe that you understand what you think I said, but, I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Yes, I have CANCER so what. I said it, CANCER, CANCER, CANCER, CANCER, CANCERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Guess what?!? Just because you don't say CANCER doesn't mean the CANCER will go away. It's here and it's mine, so, I might as well own it.
Yes, it's hard and at times (most of the time truthfully), I want to throw my hands up and yell set me free from this craziness you call life. Ups and downs, disappointments and hurt; cancer and tumors, doctor appointments and bone marrow; Let's not forget hair falling out, blistered eyes and lips, peeling skin, metal mouthed, chemo filled wonderful freaking life. That's right, the bright side. Wait, what is that? Night after night of crying myself to sleep? Maybe it's the constant pain or fatigue? I know, it must be that even when I want nothing as much as I want to nest in my bed and be allowed to be depressed and hate that I "caught" cancer, I can't. I have to work so that I can keep the insurance, that pays the doctors who are so desperately trying to keep me alive.
I promise you that the first time I felt like this I was almost a month into treatment. I was PISSED and that is when I started fighting and stopped being a victim. That is when I accepted that I may die, but, I will not make it easy.
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