Full Circle

       This probably should have been my first post, but, we'll blame it on chemo brain lol!!! Just a quick recap so we are all on the same page. When the doctors told me I was no longer in remission and immediately started me on trials and treatments my head was spinning. At first I was afraid to tell people because there is this look that washes over someones face when they find out you have cancer. It is this look of loss like you are already gone. I quickly started confiding in some people Marquand and Maria who through this have been a strong corner stone I love you guys!!!  Then I leaned 150% on my family. My parents have fought for me harder than anyone I know. My mom is the silent fighter. Always in your corner and ready for fight. My mom went right into caregiver and I tried to fight her, but, she wasn't having it. She made sure I was eating things that would boost my white blood cells and that I was drinking enough water and taking my meds on time. She was carting me to and from appointments, taking my temperature every hour. Waiting in the er like it was a regular visit to an old friend. My mother took on cancer just as much as I did. My dad he is the kick ass now ask questions later fighter. I am a daddy's girl so just seeing the fear in his eyes was enough to break my soul. My dad started attending church again with my nephews and niece. He regularly invited me to come. I regularly declined. I was mad at God. So finally I caved. I went to church on a Sunday morning with my dad, my nephews Tony & James and my niece Geri. I felt like the pastor was talking to me. They invited people to come up and pray if they had anything weighing on their heart. I looked at my dad he looked at me and asked if I wanted to do it. I was already crying filling the inside of my stupid mask with snot and tears so why not. My dad said let's go pray with Ben that's who I've been praying with It was like I just got ran down by a yellow school bus. That day my dads faith was strong enough for both of us and brought me exactly where I needed to be. So some time passed and my hair was falling out so of course we did the unmentionable and my momma and poppa shaved the rest off. I called one of my co workers Gina who I had bonded with over her battle with cancer and cried like a baby. I then began surrounding myself with the most important people in my life. Through all of this my college friends Kristin and Nana delt with the tears and mood swings and pushed their own fears aside to ease mine and I am forever grateful. My aunt Ney was a constant. She is the first person to help and the last person to ever ask for anything. Also I had the support of some familiar faces on facebook Heather, Gramz, Mom Galloway, Bri, Sarah every one who reached out and showed me any kind of support thank you and thank you for your prayers. Plus I now had a strong and dedicated church family behind me. At this moment I announced I am not afraid to die, I know exactly where I will go and I will sit with Him at his feet what more can I ask for?
So I started a journal to God and poured my heart out which lead me directly here to this blog. Pastor Jeff encouraged  me to share my story soooooooo this is it guys, my story....